Hi. Welcome back, everyone. I’m your host, I’m Sarah Southwell, Founder of GroWise Be Well, a holistic and inspirational lifestyle company for families of all shapes and sizes. GroWise Be Well, empowering you.

Season 2, Episode 10, “Fear Demon”

Podcast Transcript

[00:00:24] Hi, everyone. It’s Sarah with GroWise Be Well again. I’m back, again. I know, I told you last time that I was going to get back on a regular every-week schedule. You guys probably don’t know this, because we don’t necessarily notify you every time that one of these podcasts come out. I’ve missed a couple weeks. I thought that I was going to be able to get back into some regularity. Honestly, baseball is just still kicking my butt. I apologize. The season is almost over, for better or worse. Things should really smooth out and get back to a regular timing, hopefully, right? Life has a tendency to throw things in your path sometimes. We’ll see how it goes.

Thanks for tuning back in today. I appreciate it. I really am trying to get GroWise Be Well off the ground and successful, and so everybody who tunes in and everybody who visits the shop and makes a purchase is greatly appreciated. Anything helps us pay the bills and keep the lights on. Thank you so much. It’s a very big endeavor we’re doing here at GroWise Be Well to raise the energetic frequency of humanity, which means that we really want to get everybody to feel hopeful and feel love and gratitude.

By doing that, the more and more and more people link together who feel those feelings, those very high-frequency feelings, they then will help others rise up to those feelings, and it just becomes a tipping point, where then all of a sudden, most people feel that way, which would be amazing. It’s a big deal. It’s a big effort. It’s a big goal. We’re just going to keep working at it. All of you are the ones that make it actually happen. Thank you so much for that.

Today, I wanted to talk to you about fear. I wanted to talk to you about how to overcome fear. I need to preface this by saying that I am not a psychologist, or a psychiatrist. I am not licensed to practice any type of counseling. Frankly, this is your friendly neighbor, or your best friend just talking to you. You, in the end, of course, always need to decide what is best for you. That means that what I’m going to say today may work for me. If it doesn’t work for you, please don’t do it.

I mean, so you need to be the controller of your own life and not allow other people to sway you, or to lead you in any way. That’s why I’ve resisted anyone saying, “Oh, you should be an influencer. You should get out there and tell everybody what they need.” I’m like, “No. You don’t get what I’m trying to do at all. I’m trying to do the exact opposite, which is awaken all of you to your own intuition and your own guide,” and so you decide what’s best for you and not listen to anybody else, but you. It’s true power.

I’ve been working on driving on the highway. I think I’ve mentioned that before, that I have a, I don’t know. I don’t know if I’d call it a phobia. I don’t know. I get anxious, very anxious driving on a highway. I’m totally fine in my car on country roads. I’m actually really good in my car on two-lane highways, oddly enough. I mean, there’s no barrier and there’s no side places to pull off. Somehow, I’m fine in those situations. I don’t know whether it’s some perceived – obviously, it’s some perceived fear of something happening on a highway, or an interstate, like a pile up.

Honestly, I noticed that I am mostly affected by large trucks coming in the opposite direction. I don’t know if this is a past life, where I must have gotten in an accident, a terrible accident with a big truck, trailer truck or what, but I definitely noticed I tense every time I see a big truck coming. I’ve been working on this, because I’m tired of being in my fear prison. I’m tired of this story. I’ve told this story for 18 years, ever since I got off of speed and had the withdrawals and ended up with panic disorder, because I didn’t know I was going through withdrawals. I thought I was going crazy. I thought I was losing functionality of my body, which I was partially. I didn’t know what was going on, so I just took it all into my head.

Ever since 2002, I actually have been fearful of driving on the highway and interstate. Now, it’s not necessarily completely true. I actually battled back and was able to drive on the highway and the freeway fine for, I guess, it was a couple years. Maybe one, or two years before my first son was born. Then after my first son was born, my hormones went all wonky. I had postpartum depression. Then I just got fearful again. I locked myself back in my fear prison.

This past couple of months, it’s become apparent that I have two boys and traveling baseball teams. My husband and I have had to split up which directions we’re going. Thankfully, I have not had to drive for hours on a freeway yet. I’m working up to that, and I will do that. So far, I’ve been able to work on just driving on a highway, a four-lane highway, so it’s the same thing, driving just my son to practice.

I thought the practice was going to be right here in my town. Then they said, “Oh, no. It’s going to be a little up the road, because we have people coming in from farther up the road,” which was, I think it’s great. Honestly, the fields that they play out are awesome, because it’s been so hot lately, and there’s shade at these fields. It’s really good. It’s a good thing.

Honestly, I think the universe puts things in front of you at a time that you’re ready for them. This is a enough of a bite-size shoe of driving 65, 70 miles an hour for 20 minutes on a four-lane highway, with big trucks coming the opposite direction. I decided that I was done with my story. I didn’t want to do that story anymore. I said, “Okay, how am I going to overcome this fear? Because I need to get my son to practice. I need to do it safely. I need to do it with courage, and just precision, being a very good driver, which I am. I always have been.” I’ve always been a very good driver.

My perception of what’s going on on the road is really intense. Because I have that perfectionism thing going whenever I see a cabinet door that’s slightly ajar, I have to go shut it. I mean, I’m just aware of these odd little things that are out of place. My kids even know that in the house, if they move anything, I will literally be like, “So where did you put that? Or where did that go?” I’m just acutely aware, without trying to be – it just there.

I decided that I was going to take measures to get myself free. I talked to a friend. I heard that from her sister, that she had been taking these CBD gummies, and that they had really helped her with her anxiety. I said, “Oh. Okay, great. Maybe I’ll try those out.” I contacted her and she was so kind. She came over that day brought me the CBD gummies. I had to drive my son to practice the very next day. She was super awesome to do that.

She also brought over this powder. Is amazing. It’s made from ashwagandha and saffron. I never knew. Anyway, that it’s calming. It works really well. It doesn’t make me tired. It’s good. She brought that over. Then obviously, I knew from years ago that I’d used Nelson box Rescue Remedy, which is a combination of flower essences, that really rescue you from your anxiety, or your panic in the moment.

They help just allow you to at least breathe through it and think again. I took all three of those for the first two weeks that I drove to baseball practice. Honestly, I mean, it felt odd. I mean, I was still uncomfortable. There were times where I was like, “Ah, I didn’t take the gummies early enough.” Or, “Oh, I didn’t take the powder. I didn’t drink the whole thing of water with the powder in it.” I’d be taking all of these. I’d be squirting Rescue Remedy a couple of times when I was driving. It was still a little uncomfortable. It wasn’t really what I wanted it to be.

I thought, “Man, what is going on here?” I finally just lay there one night in bed and I said, “Sarah, if you believe in quantum mechanics, and you believe that all things are possible, and you believe that you can be whatever you want to be, and that our power is so much greater than we can ever imagine, then you don’t have to live in this fear prison anymore and you don’t have to take anything to get out of it. All you need to do is know that you’re done with it. You’re done with that story.” I’m done with telling people, “Well, I do have anxiety driving on the highway and that’s all right. I’m working on it.” Oh, my God. That’s been my story for so long. Honestly, my boys need me. They need me to be able to drive. I want to drive.

I have been in a prison for years, because I don’t go to my nearest biggest town 45 minutes away without my husband driving me. I know, it’s nuts. I mean, nobody would ever assume that I had this problem, right? I mean, because I am totally confident in everything else I do. I’m probably even a little more than confident.

I’m a thinker and a doer and a creator. I’m positive and strong. It’s interesting, my mother-in-law was in town a few weeks ago when I – I mean, the very first night, I was doing this for the first time. I told her that I was doing this, and she was so awesome. She was just like, “Okay.” She’s like, “Well, I’ll go with you, just in case you need a backup or something.” I mean, she’s amazing. I love my mother-in-law. I’ve adopted her. She is my mom. She’s just really awesome.

She said to me later, she said, “Gosh. I got to tell you. I would have never guessed you, of all people, would have a fear of driving on the highway.” I said, “I know.” I mean, what’s amazing to me is what we see when we look around at other people, and we don’t realize what they’re going through. They may put on a really good front. They may be really good at just putting on a show and not letting anybody know what’s really going on inside of them. That is a dangerous thing for our society. We need to be able to talk openly and share openly what’s going on inside of us. Or else, we can’t get help for that.

We can’t receive information from the universe if we’re not willing to just strip bare and be like, “Okay, this is me and these are all my little blips and blobs and quirks. I don’t want some of them anymore, so how do I overcome this? How do I change my story?” I was talking to my husband and I was saying, “God. I mean, I want to tell people about this journey I’ve been on trying to reclaim my freedom.” I feel really ah, just coming out to you all and saying, “Look, I just decided, I’m done. I’m done with that stinking story. I’m done with that prison. I’m done with that little fear demon that wants to lock me in that prison,” which by the way, that fear demon is me.

I mean, I have been allowing myself to lock myself in this fear prison for 18 years. It’s been my story. Everything else, I always tell people, I’m not afraid of anything, but driving on the highway. I’m not. I’m not afraid of death. I believe it’s going to be the next journey. The next adventure. I’m not afraid of spiders, or snakes, or anything. I really am not. That’s what’s amazing is that I’ve held on to this one fear.

In fact, I’ve even talked to the universe and said, “Hey, so if you want to make me afraid of spiders now, I’m totally cool with that. If you want to trade.” It doesn’t work like that, unfortunately. I’d be totally okay with being afraid of spiders, but driving on the highway, I really want to do. I used to love to drive. I mean, I would drive for hours and hours. Nobody could touch my car. I mean, get out. Get out of the driver’s seat. That’s my car. I’m the best driver, I know. You can ride in the passenger seat.

I really miss that freedom. I miss those days. I miss being able to just get in the car and go wherever I want to go, whenever I want to go there. It has been this very interesting reflection I’ve had lately as to why maybe I’ve kept myself in this fear prison. How do I get out?

Then I started, and I started experimenting with the gummies and the powder and the spray, telling myself, “Okay, look. You don’t need to take all three of these. Why don’t you try the gummies all on their own one day and find out what they actually do to you when you’re not driving?” I took them and I got to be honest with you, all they did was make me tired, which I do not drive well when I’m tired. That is something I have discovered is that as free as I’ve become, I will say that right now, if I had a choice, I drive fabulous, up until about two in the afternoon.

Then I’m done. I’m tired. I’ve used up my energy and my mental strength on staying focused and staying positive and strong. I really don’t like driving in the afternoon and the evening on highways. I’m fine with just driving in town. I mean, getting on a four-lane and go on someplace, it’s not my favorite thing to do.

My son’s practice, unfortunately has been actually, at night. I’ve been having to force myself to drive at a time of day that I’m exhausted. I’ve got nothing left to give. It’s been very hard to conjure this strength and this power in the evening, late in the evening, when I wish I was just at home making dinner. I mean, that’s what I’d rather be doing, instead of forcing myself to break out of my fear prison. It’s been wonderful though, because that added level of challenge – I mean, I do love a challenge. I do love it. I love overcoming obstacles, which haven’t had to do much lately, because I can perceive them coming, or I can try and make conscientious choices, or rely on my guides, and my intuition to steer me around them now pretty much.

This is one that it’s like, the universe is like, “Oh, you’re doing this, and you’re doing this hard. You’re going to do this in the evening when you’re tired, man. You’re going to you’re going to own this and know that you can do this.” I took the gummies, found out they made me tired. I said, “Man, I definitely don’t want to take those before I drive.” Because then, I’m just hitting myself with a double whammy.

Then, I tried the calm powder all on its own. It was good. It was really good. Actually, it doesn’t make me tired. It just calms me down, which I could certainly still do the powder. The Rescue Remedy, I know, does not make me tired at all. Just brings clarity right when I need it. Then I started, like I dropped the gummies and I was just doing the calm powder and the Rescue Remedy. Things weren’t honestly, getting that much better. I was forcing myself to drive everywhere, even to a town 40 minutes up the road every day, this past weekend for a tournament. Just saying to myself, “Look, you’re just maybe, you just need to drive, drive, drive, drive and drive to overcome this.”

All of a sudden, just yesterday or a day before I said, “What am I doing?” I feel like, by taking the calm powder and the Rescue Remedy and all that stuff was feeding my fear demon. It was literally entertaining my fear demon. A really good friend of mine who if you’ve listened to previous podcasts, you know Steve Delvo, he was telling me a couple weeks ago, that he had a teacher that said that really strong emotions are like unwanted guests that just show up in your house. You can’t do anything about that. They just show up. They show up in your house. It’s not like you invited them and it’s not like you want them. Really strong emotions are overwhelming.

He said, his teacher said, they’re just unwanted guests that just poof, show up in your house. He’s like, “You can’t control them coming, but you sure don’t have to entertain them.” You can walk them to the door, open it up and say, “Get out.” I realized that I just needed to change my mind. My mind is so powerful. I create delusions and illusions, and fantasies, and I can create all kinds of things in my mind. We all can, I mean, especially after we watch a scary movie. We love that, don’t we? That night of sleep after we watch a really scary movie. No fun.

Our minds are super, super powerful. They’re way more powerful than we think they are. I don’t think we have any understanding of how amazingly powerful our thoughts are. What you think about, you bring about. I realized that by giving these little things to pacify my fear demon, I was recognizing my fear demon. I was saying, “Okay, I know you’re there. Could you just please not throw a fit while I’m driving?” I’d feed it. Feed it a gummy. Feed it the calming powder. Feed it the Rescue Remedy.

I ended up, actually, this was a week ago that we went to a tournament and I drove all the way to the nearest big town, 45 minutes on the highway without a blip, without a problem. I took no gummies, no powder, no Rescue Remedy. I just said, “I’m done with the story. I’m done with the lies. I’m done with the prison.” Then I had someone say to me, “Well, maybe you should take the gummies, or the powder, until you’re better at driving to where you don’t even think about it.” It dropped me right back down into my fear prison and I started thinking, “Oh, maybe they’re right. Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn’t have just gone bold.”

I shouldn’t have just said, “I’m done with it. I’m just throwing it out the window.” Maybe that was just too brash. Maybe it’s not possible to do that. Maybe I should just take the gummies again, or maybe I should just take the powder. I did. Started doing it again for another week. I realized, “What in God’s way? What am I doing?” I gone right back into feeding my fear demon. Gone right back into giving him little pacifiers, little treats to just behave. Last night, I said, “I’m done. I’m done.” I drove to my son’s practice, no problem.

Now, I will say, I use music. I love music. I totally jammed out to some really great music on the way there. It was awesome. I drove 70 miles an hour, and he got there early, and I felt great. I realize that this may not work for you, until you can really, truly believe. I’m going to be totally honest with you and tell you that it’s going to be me saying, “I’m done with this. Get out fear demon.” Every time I go to get on the highway. I’m going to have to just rely on my music and just be strong. Stay strong the whole time.

Because if I let my guard down, if I start to relax and I start to be like, “Oh, what am I doing? I didn’t take my gummies.” Bam, I’m back in the fear prison. I start getting nervous. I start getting a little anxious, and I want to pull the car over. This is full-on battle, in my opinion, and you got to be prepared for that.

I’m definitely going to continue on this journey. I will report back and let you know how it goes. I know that I can create anything I want. I want a new story. I don’t want to live in my fear prison anymore. I’m going to blow it up. I’m going to get rid of it. I’m going to ask that fear demon to leave as many times as I need to, if that’s every single day, if that’s three times while I’m driving, whatever it is, I’m going to keep going. Because there’s one thing I’m not and it’s a quitter. I am not going to back down from this. I will not live in fear anymore.

I’m just getting fierce about it. I’m just saying, I can do this. Little blue engine, “I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.” Well, I’m going to change that to, “I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can.” I encourage all of you to try this in very small ways, if you find yourself in a situation that you’re very uncomfortable in. Just recognize that you may be feeding a fear demon. You may be entertaining a fear demon.

Go to the door, open it up, and just tell him to get out. Fear is and illusion. Fear is something that we create. Then all of a sudden, if we do it over and over again, we just buy into it, and just it becomes more and more real. What you think about, you bring about. Look, I encourage you to do this. If any of you are on medication for anxiety, or panic, please do not, do not go off of your medication and try this. That’s not what I’m saying. I have not said that once. Absolutely, don’t do that.

Try and get stronger and stronger with the fact that you can decide what emotions you entertain. If you’re fearful of something a lot, then recognize that you’ve let that fear demon in your house. You might want to just get fierce and ask it to leave. Because this is your life. This is your story. What do you want your story to be? I believe that we all can change our lives at any moment. I tell my children this all the time. “Oh, you’re angry. Okay. Well, now you can be happy. Now you can be happy. Now you can be happy. Now you can be happy.” Change it. Change it.

Every second that ticks away on your life, change it. Now, now, now. When are you going to say now is now? Now is the time. I’m doing it now. I did it last night. I’m not going to be taking anything to help me drive from now on, because I don’t need help driving. I’m an awesome driver. I love it. I smile when I drive. I don’t need any help with that. I love my boys beyond measure. There is nothing that can compare to my love and devotion to my family.

I know that I would never put them in harm’s way, so I know, I know I am a fantastic driver and that I always have been. I just made the mistake of letting that fear demon move in and I built it a bed and gave it some food and even found his favorite television show. It’s like, I just invited that thing right in, and now it’s got to go.

That’s my journey with fear so far. It’s a fear of driving that I have. I don’t know what your fear may be. Spiders, heights. I don’t know. Obviously, I’m not advocating being reckless. If I felt that I was not a safe driver, I wouldn’t do it. I would find someone to drive us. I’d figure something out. If you feel if your fear is something that you want to go out there and be reckless to try and get rid of it, please don’t. Always be safe. Belief. Believe in yourself. Believe in your ability to change your story and your life at any given moment. You can do it. I’m working on it. I’m doing it. I’m changing my story.

Anyway, I wish you all well with your story and making it whatever you want it to be. I hope you all have a fantastic day. Open that door for any of those emotions that you don’t want in your house and ask them to leave. Have a great day. All right, everybody. Stay abundant, healthy, and happy.

[00:26:17] Thank you again for tuning in. If you’ve missed any of the previous podcasts, or just want to listen to some of them over and over again, which I hope you do, please go to our website. They’re all there for you, and so easy to listen to from that platform. Gwbw.com. www.gwbw.com. GroWise Be Well, empowering you to live your best life.